My Companion Only Ever Focuses About Herself: Is It Time to End the Friendship?

We've been close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered several hardships, which I admire. However, she has been often caught off guard by people. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Many of close acquaintances disappeared then, because they seemed only interested in her husband. She was stunned by her. She put in more effort toward our bond, and must have realised more clearly what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

In the time since, several close to her have disappeared leaving her sure why. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we have each retired leading to more time together, however, I feel my role in our friendship is to listen. I introduce discussion points but she shifts conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. I attempt to suggest verifying facts and different perspectives.

She is planning a trip to a country I know well repeatedly and lived in previously. I attempted to share personal experiences, however, my input not welcomed. She really solely sought me to confirm her decisions. I've just come back from four weeks in that place she is eager to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to be a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, however, I feel she'll truly grasp the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

One option is to cut and run, but it is rarely the easy answer we imagine. However, addressing it aiming for working things out requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step is to state what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. Next is to tell how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no dispute on this point. Emotions belong to you, naturally. The third step is to question how the two of you will alter the pattern in your relationship."

Keep in mind that she also holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique is to say to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

Closing Considerations

This person could ignore all you say, as some people cling to a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative regarding their experiences they won't let go of since their identity depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. It's tough because there's no thoroughfare here, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present this way before reflecting your perspective. If you never reach an agreement, you'll have peace from having been truthful.